Jimmy has decided he wants to make a man out of himself, and he´s started a lemonade stand. But with great power comes great responsibility...|-1
Old Mrs. Wilson bought your first lemonade! But she´s half senile, and she paid a 50c drink with a $500 bill.|Tell her the truth - she was short by 25c. She gives you another $500 bill.|"Do you even count, b*tch?" Throw the $500 at her face.|1
Your friend Bob with his baseball cap heard you started business, and came by to check on you. He asked if he can help you in any way.|Throw him the friends´ special on the house: cold lemonade with Jack Daniels. After refusing, throw the sissy out.|Reveal his facade; he´s spying for the popo. Send back only his lemonade-soaked cap. That will send a message.|0
Mom picks you up at 2 pm as discussed. Lunch at nana´s today. She tells you to pack up after only an hour of work.|"The fuck mom? I´m building an empire here". Stay your ground. Get legally emancipated.|"You don´t tell me what to do. And why are you even out of the kitchen?"|0
Years into his teens, Jimmy has gone up in his path to glory. The next step: McDonas. As the manager of the local branch, he has to deal with customers, employees, and occasional mutiny.|-1
Ruckus at the cashier reaches Jimmy´s office. A man of action, he sets to investigate. Little Tommy and his lawyer are suing the company because he did not get his happy meal Batman.|Show dominance, stare the kid at the eye. "Grow up. Marvel > DC motherfucker".|Ban him for life from McDonald’s on the grounds of terrorism. Give him the toy.|1
Newest burger-flipper Jorge cannot believe the darkness in your heart. He will not tolerate any more mistreatment for the clients or employees. “You shall not pass!”, he tells you as he blocks the entrance.|Throw the Migra at him. Jail his ass for insubordination.|Negotiate better conditions. Working hours go half for Mexicans, double for Jews.|1
Businessman Moneybags McScrooge knocks on the drive-thru window at 3 am, well before opening. The guard is about to fire at will when you nod at him. “Chill, I’ve got this”, you tell him. “I’m heading to Davos and I need a McFlurry to thrust my thunder, NOW” commands the old executive.|Take the gun from the guard. Fire between his eyes. “This is private property and we will not be harassed, bitch!… Sundays are late opens at 9 am, please come again”.|Prepare the McFlurry. Throw it straight at his bald spot. “I will not take at hobos in my place of business. GTFO”.|1
Moneybags McScrooge was impressed by your manliness while ice-cream melted in his forehead. He offered you a job. Humanity heads to a new era of unlimited energy and very limited dolphins.|1
The company’s flagship, Thick Fat Bucks, has crashed into a glacier and gallons of oil have spilled into the ocean. The UN and hippies demand justice.|Bribe a few hippies and the Italy delegate with candy and pot. Foster disunity. Destroy the enemy from within|Clean the ocean. Make a tidy profit selling wildlife corpses to sketchy Japanese “film” directors.|1
A chemical station at a panda sanctuary catches fire and threatens to explode. You are torn between evacuating the personnel, and the PR shitstorm it would cause.|Blow up the station with a ballistic missile. Blame it on the pandas that went feral.|Send a search and rescue party led by a disgruntled former KGB agent. Sell the footage to the Resident Evil 7 dev team.|1
The Thick Fat Bucks ship is taken hostage by a Greenpeace commando. They threaten to extract revenge with quinoa embargos and passive aggressive tweets.|Fly a helicopter and save the poor oil (and people) yourself. Kung-fu the shit out of those hippies. Then stare into the sunset while holding your Putin portrait close to the chest.|Fight fire with fire. Take a hippie commune hostage yourself. Feed them bacon by the hour.|0
After your mano a mano with the hippie terrorists, the American people chose you to guide them to a better tomorrow.|3
Black people represent a disproportionate number of criminals in the country.|Name Cosby Secretary of Defense, demand him to get a hold of his hood.|Ban hip hop and sassy talkshow hosts.|0
Young people are getting out of college and not finding enough jobs.|Close down colleges. Turn them into something useful like strip clubs and Chuck E. Cheese´s.|Start a barista export program with the World Bank and Afghanistan.|1
North Korea declares war.|Lead the free world to defend the basic human right to beer and Netflix. Destroy their morale with a bombardment of DVD comedies. Then press the shiny red button.|Challenge Dear Leader to a dance off when the sun goes down. After 40 days and 40 nights, seduce him with your moves, because hips can’t lie.|1
Congratulations, you have reached the pinnacle of humanity: Social Network Emperor, Jimmy Zuckerlord I.